Plenty of great coaches have been "verbally abusive" to the point of unleashing profanity-laced tirades upon players, including Coach K. Same goes for coaches who "lay hands on" their players to some extent - e.g. pushing/smacking in the chest them during a timeout (again, see: K). What makes this situation different is degree - he crosses the very murky line from "intense coaching" to "abusive" in his physical actions, and uses hate speech - but also... effectiveness, really.
I mean, if Coach K laces into the team for playing like "pussies" and punch-pushes Mason in the chest the get him pumped up during halftime of the Maryland game, then we come out and win the second half by thirty, we don't refer to those actions as appalling, automatically firable instance of abuse, we call it a brilliant halftime speech.
That's what is kind of makes this whole situation hard for me to process - it's not so much that what he did was categorically wrong, as much as he just did it too hard and clearly had no idea how to use those extreme sorts of "motivational tools" with the necessary skill and discretion... sort of like how a knife in the stomach is either attempted murder or a billable service, depending on whether you're a surgeon or a mugger. I think.
